Momentum

What you do will have momentum.
What you say will also have momentum.


That energy will be transfered to another person.


Are you giving them a push to the right direction?

Sag

"Sagger Boy Kabuki Style" - which makes me want to
write a homothug love-suicide Kabuki.

To sag is to let draping, drooping, to let gravity take hold of your pants till it eases past your waist.


Don't ask me when, but one of my friends told me that sagging is a code about one's role in the bedroom:


If it goes pass a certain point, you are a bottom.


Kinda like the "hanky code" in the gay subculture that originated in the 70s.


Do I believe it? It's plausible, but I'm not going to rely on it, and just see it as a trend and well... advantage to see more eye-candy.


So thank you saggers, for letting nature take its course. I'll just be here savoring the moment. :>

Haven't Been Around.

On Friday I went to the Black GLBT Experiences event.

It was the second annual celebration of Black GLBT history held in the GLBT center in San Francisco.

I got there 40 minutes late and missed out on a Marlon Riggs short titled Anthem.  Apparently, Essex Hemphill is in it (damn traffic).

Driving up to San Francisco in the rain, on a friday, leaving at 4:30PM would take me 2 hours to get there.

I felt out of place, being the only Asian male there.

But the speakers rocked, didn't catch their name but one of them, Jewelle Gomez, who wrote some very juicy deep poetry that reaches for your soul and takes it for a ride.

Other than which I've been trying to get my career started and meeting with friends, and having writer's block to top, so if I haven't been making posts I apologize.

He Looks Uncomfortable

Who lounges on the edge of the bed with 2 pillows and bunched up sheets?

If you're here to lounge:

do it against the wall the long way.

Better yet, let me show you how.

Just ease your mind and body and I'll guide you.

Bumblebee

The bumblebee is a force to be reckon with.

Black + Yellow = caution.

Now you see me,

now you don't.

Do you want to continue to be hidden?

To not be heard or understood?

How are people going to understand you if you keep quiet?

Express yourself, I'm all ears.

Tell me your story, open your heart.

Silence = Death

TB

TB might be a term for Tuberculosis, but in Nigeria...


It's a term gay men describe each other, Top/Bottom.


If you are gay, you're a TB.


I was discussing this with my friend in Nigeria, telling him, "You know, TB in English means Tuberculosis, it's a bacterial infection in the lungs; a medical term."


He said, "Oh."


I told him that I'd rather call it men loving men, because that's really what it is.  It's beyond the bedroom, it's beyond what position you prefer yourself in (it wouldn't do versatiles any justice either).  You may be top, or bottom, or femme, or whatever, you're still a man and it's nothing to be ashamed of or set aside.


But hey, if it's a cool localized term and it's meant to make us feel welcomed.  Go ahead, call me a TB.  But you'll be surprised that I'll do more than that inside and outside of the bedroom.

Happy Valentine's Day

Life is Like a Box of Chocolates...

There's a guide and description for each piece,

and its up to you to decide which piece to eat.

Today, you're getting a whole box.

Every flavor, texture, and shape is there

all ready to melt in your mouth

and satisfy you.

And after you savor each piece,

swallowed every cream filling.

Don't forget to rinse!

Damn, where's MY box of chocolate---orgy?

Juice

My good thoughts of you:

fresh-squeezed brain juice.

A tall glass

full of nutrients for your soul.

Waking up next to you,

as soon as my eyes open

the juicer is on.

But if I'm alone,

I'll make a concentrate.

Keep it safely stored

got a nice pitcher full when you return.

Favors

Where to draw the line?


As much as I would like to help you, brother.
As much as I hate to see you being down.


There is a line where you need to stop and think if whatever trouble you're in, you're in because of your miscalculations.


If you keep asking for rides because you don't have any money for public transport, or all your friends are busy, then do YOURself a favor and start asking yourself why weren't you ready before you step out the door? When was the last time you've done favors for your friends?


I don't owe you anything, and I do favors because I care for you. But one day, that care jar will empty if you don't refill it with your care for me.


If you want me to rush over because it's an emergency, I would. But just like the boy who cried wolf, it better be an emergency.


And if you need help helping yourself think, need help being a better person, I'm here. 
I don't want to be the quick solution, especially if I care for you, I want you to think things right so you can use the panic button wisely.
Because who knows, I might need help in the future and I'll need a capable hand.

Joseph Beam Quote

Black men loving Black men is a call to action, an acknowledgement of responsibility. We take care of our own kind when the night grows cold and silent. These days the nights are cold-blooded and the silence echoes with complicity.

-Joseph Beam "Brother to Brother: Words from the Heart"

I am not the center in my circle of black gay friends.

I encourage them to care for and nurture each other.

Because there is not enough support between black gay men. 

Because when one is down, he should know who and where to run to: someone familiar, someone that he can call his brother from his heart.

Because we are all a part of the community and to be shunned away is one of the biggest abominations that could happen.

Because when one falls, we all fall harder.

I want to serve as a reminder, a friendly nudge.

Next time you roll yours eyes or turn your head away from a brother, ask yourself, do you AND do WE deserve to be treated this way?

Last Time I Got Tested

The last time I got tested, I felt alienated.

HIV+ (left) and HIV- (right) test results.

The time before that, was late 2008.
I was a college student, and the health clinic on campus was the location I went to get tested.
They were caring, understanding, and they did the whole shebang (physical examination, tested my blood and urine, swabbed  my dick, ass, and mouth) and tested me for all the STDs imaginable.


Now I've graduated, the school's clinic doesn't accept me anymore because I'm not enrolled. 
I was stuck, I was lost.
I looked up on Google for the nearest "free HIV testing", and looked up a local clinic, Planned Parenthood, and got tested there.


It wasn't my world. There were no pamphlets for me, there were children, mothers, young straight couples. I was singled out, alone.
The nurse who first brought me in was kind and full of smiles, we went through the questionnaire without me feeling awkward.
But then I had to wait, because I didn't feel like urinating. And the next nurse who took me was older, and wasn't as welcoming as the previous. She also seemed impatient. It almost seem like she doesn't care either way if I've caught something or not. If it was tedious to service me.


I was put to get tested for Chlamydia and Syphilis and also HIV, but this new, older nurse forgot, or didn't proceed to test me for HIV. I had to ask her if I was getting tested for it and I felt obliged to really thank her for her patience and having to put up with me.


Overall, it was a weird experience to me. I felt awkward for having get tested at a Planned Parenthood.
In the future I'm just going to drive to San Francisco and get tested there, around people who understands me and welcomes me.

Get Tested

(I didn't get around to post yesterday, I apologize)

Today I will be marching.

Feb. 7th is National Black HIV/AIDS Awareness Day.

I'm marching because not only I care, I want you to care about yourself.

I actually have to head out the door right now and drive 50 minutes to to San Francisco to get there at 5PM. But what I want to say is:

Know your status,

so you can live the now.

Play it sexy, play it safe,

so you can keep on playing.

Music

"Global Village" by Just.Luc http://www.flickr.com/photos/9619972@N08/

Music is an animal.

Every song is a beast.

Its BPM the heart-rate,

its instruments the organs.

Its rhythm the bloodstream,

its genre the soul.

Some beasts can be tamed,

some controls you.

Some lets you ride them,

some kicks you off.

Which are your beasts?

Unleash them for me.

Let's dance together,

our sweat will be their feast.

Touch Me

Place your hand against mine.

Let our print-leaving palms unite.

As I bend my fingers forward,

do the same, let our hands lock.

Because I'm not letting go.

The part on my body that is constantly

touching, gripping, holding.

I want it to touch yours.

I want my prints on yours. 

And together we will create history.

What's Yo Problem?

Haruki has no patience for you.

Next time someone's acting up,
or starts ticking you off.

Instead of asking "What's yo problem?"
try asking "What's yo story?"

"Are you alright?"

Until then, don't assume that you're the righteous party.

That's where ignorance comes from.

For they have as much the right to ignore you as you do.

Cool Down

Playing it cool doesn't mean shunning people away.


It means being the most chill, drama-free person in the room.


When drama comes your way, you handle it, hold it in your palms, and douse the flames down with your coolness.


All it takes is a clear conscious mind, and the respect and love the way you want to be treated.

Be like the wind: flow, cleanse, refresh, rinse and repeat.

Cosplay

Ignorance puts words in other people's mouths.

Cosplaying is the act of dressing up as an anime or video game character.

Sometimes just a character in general, fictional or non-fictional.

There is a lot of ignorance in the anime fan subculture.  Blacks are forced to accept their differences in order to enjoy being a part of the fandom.

They are rarely treated as viable members; the beautiful white american female always winning competitions.

Hear me out.

There's no difference between a "Black" Link and a "White" Link.

The only difference is the person who's playing them.

This is a Black anime fan playing the role of Link.

If this cosplayer truly wants to play the role of "Black Link", he would've added something stereotypical to the costume.

See it as a whole, see it in wider lens: the skin color, the body mass, the race, the gender, is NOT a part of the costume.

In other news: Damn, he looks fineeeeee.

Sex with Strangers

Yesterday I was awake for 23 hours.


Within that 23 hours, I went to Eros for the first time, it is one of San Francisco's gay sex club.  I met a black man who is wise and fun to talk with. He had a great charisma and was considerate for others.




He told me some great tips regarding doing anything sexual with strangers:

• Are you sure you want to kiss them? They might've eaten someone out or swallowed someone beforehand. The bacteria in their mouth can get into yours through cross-contamination.  Even if you haven't agitated your gums from brushing your teeth, the bacteria can get to the mucous membranes in your mouth and throat or through any small scrapes in your mouth.
• Are you sure you want to blow them? Do they have sores or lesions on their dick? Also, pathogens exist in pre-cum AND cum.
• You don't know a stranger's sex history (past or immediate), or if they are hygienic.
• Are you sure you want them to blow you? If they just got a collection of bacteria in their mouth, there's a chance they can get on your urethra.  Are you sure you want them to use their cum to jerk you off?

If you don't know that person, 

you don't know their background, 

you don't know if they're lying.

Settle on the thrill that you're with a stranger, and do it safely. 

(condoms condoms condoms)

Hand jobs, petting, kissing everywhere else.

Save your treasures for someone you know and love.

Happy Feet

Why do Black people dance so well?

Darlin', when you know that you're no longer sufferin'.

When you know you're no longer enslaved.

When you know you're a freeman...

When you have the time to rejoice...

Once you've understood you're no longer oppressed,

that the pain is long over,

and you're free to tap, sing, twist, express:

You'd dance too.

Breathe

Today:


Don't forget to center yourself and breathe.


Think about the good people and things in your life.


Who always were there to help?


And who will you reach out and help in the future?


Because brother, I'll always try my best to provide for you.

Best believe that.

Fratricide

David Kato, a Ugandan gay activist, was beaten to death on Jan 26th.


His picture appeared on the Rolling Stone newspaper when they selflessly and purposefully published what they claimed as pictures of Uganda's homosexual officials.


His funeral was met with the pastor proclaiming that homosexuals should be punished.


Many, like Val Kalenda, blamed the US evangelicals who visited Uganda in 2009 for promoting hate toward homosexuals.


My verdict: Leave Africa alone, let them claim (or reclaim) their own faith and beliefs.  The only message you should spread to the other countries (hey, how about) "Love thy brother". Because what happened here, and in many hate crimes in the past, was a fratricide.

Peace.

Further reading:
http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/editorial_opinion/blogs/the_angle/2011/01/scott_livelys_r.html
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/jan/28/gay-activist-david-kato-funeral

Feet

Something about a Black man's feet is alluring...

The smooth cocoa skin that is the top,
the strong willful latte skin that is the bottom.

The perfect form, the right curves.

To be able to cradle them in my hands,
to massage them, to caress them.

To ease him of his ache from walking all day.

So he can continue to step,
to march,
to claim each inch on ground with pride
as he stride.

Let me love you from head to toe, baby.

But let's start with the toes today.

Dreads

Photo stolen from http://naturallyleslie.blogspot.com/

Dread Philosophy
When a white person wear dreads, I would think "hippie". 
It is nothing more than a fashion statement, to look cool.
When a black person wear dreads, I would think "history". 
It is an embrace of a state that once was missing.


To wear dreads is to commit to the dread, to give yourself in to letting your hair grow, and intertwine.
To wear dreads is to open your being to another culture, to embrace what Rastafarians describe as the sense of wholesomeness.


Because it is not a trend, it's a state. 
Otherwise your hair will have no meaning to stay in locks rather than the physics of it.

Picture Day: Willie O'Ree

I'm having writer's block, so today I'm posting a picture.

This is Willie O'Ree, the first African American NHL Hockey Player.

Once you go Black...

Michael - by Jacob Collins - http://www.jacobcollinspaintings.com

To me, there wasn't a "once".

There was no "once", and there was no "going back". 

Because it's always been there, and it's just is.

Black is Black, there is no going, no traveling, no visiting or revisiting.

It's a culture, it's a color, it's an identity, it's a mindset, it's constant.

It just is.

Cakes

I object calling anyone's butt as "cakes".
Sure, people dive their face in and eat it.
But face it (pun intended), ass is nothing like cake.
Ask a pastry chef, and he or she will agree. 
A cake has layers, a cake has delicious frosting, and a cake definitely doesn't bounce.
Comparing buttocks with scrumptious moist cake should be a sin in its own.
I for one though, would decorate an ass like I would a cake, whip cream, candles, icing and all.

But it's still an ass. Case closed.

On the DL

To those who say they're on the DL,

if you're under 30 years old, it's cute (and that's giving the act the most credit).

But if you're over 30, it's about time to face the facts.

If you don't admit your love for men, you're going to hurt a lot of us,

because we are the most faithful when it comes to relationships.

So don't blame us when we start ignoring you, knowing that you can't commit to us and to yourself.

Yes we're talking behind your back, about your no shows and your dodgy nature. How you stood us up for whatever reason. We're tired of justifying for you, defending you from our doubts so we can continue to love you.

It's time to stop playing this game and take it to heart.

Be proud, be strong, be bold, be courageous.

Because we want to love and treat you like no one else has been before.

Excerpt from "Does your Mama Know About Me?"

I ask you brother: Does your mama really know about you? Does she really know what I am? Does she know I want to love her son, care for him, nurture and celebrate him? Do you think she’ll understand? I hope so, because I am coming home. There is no place else to go that will be worth so much effort and love.

-Essex Hemphill 

Searching for Hemphill

Essex Hemphill (1957 - 1995)

Looking into his eyes I see a sense of peace and understanding that draws me in.


I regret that I didn't get to see or meet him or even been exposed to his works earlier.


AIDS have taken so many lives of talented Black gay men in the 80s and 90s.

My Offering

As I wake I search for a grasp of cosmic truth

that once was emitted from your energy

lingering across the land, waiting to be fused

with like-minded people

I welcome your spirit, if you were to visit

and together we will soul dance

Who am I?

A couple of friends who are Black told me that I'm a Black man in an Asian man's body.

I told one of my close friends, who is Black, that in Summer 2007, I went to Atlanta and saw Dr. King's mausoleum.  As soon as it came into view, my heart felt heavy and I started weeping silently with one phrase echoing in my mind: "how he fought for us".  Without hesitation, my friend replied, "Yep, you are Black."

What if I am and what if I'm not? Does it mean anything?

There are, of course, a lot of people out there believing that they are a different gender on the inside... or, it's a stretch, a different age.

But what about race?

Sure, there is "acting Black", putting on this mask to pretend to be someone else all in the name of popularity or acceptance among peers (usually of the same gender).  But what about "being Black"? The submergence of another culture, to be accepted as part of the whole community?

Do I believe that I am a Black man in an Asian's body?

To a certain degree, yes... maybe I'm just discovering this dormant spirituality within me that radiates the energy of a Black man, and it's a part of me that I should welcome with open arms. One thing I know for sure:

I don't act Black, I feel Black.

This blog's purpose is to explore and welcome that side of me, I shall speak with the voice of a Black man who's born into a different life and body, the one of an Asian.  Please join me in this journey of self-discovery, as I ask myself "Who am I?".

Starting 2011 Upright

The Daruma Doll

Make a wish, paint the pupil in.

Let that wish stay standing like the Daruma Doll.

Welcome to 2011, this is the first post of this blog.'


My wish: May this blog flourish.


My next post: To explain the mission of this blog.